I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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