Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
