lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
