grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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