I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
