He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
