whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
