I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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