yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
