just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
