you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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