I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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