i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
