He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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