Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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