Got a toothbrush?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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