take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize