similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The best revenge is premature balding
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
