Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize