So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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