Can i not drive my cunt home
Where is the hickey?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
