Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
