my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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