my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
