WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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