ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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