The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
