Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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