she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize