you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
