Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
