god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
