You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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