You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
