haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
