I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
