Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
