My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
