Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize