I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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