I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Less talking, more tequila
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
