I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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