okay pat passed out under dana's car
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
