does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
