I think I won the penis lottery.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
