Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
