Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize