Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
