Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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