am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
