I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize