Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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