...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please, let me fuck your mom
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
