hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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