I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
