hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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