So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So many bounce houses so little time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
