you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
