I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
