If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
