FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
