Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
