hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is my gift to your gina
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize