Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
