it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
