Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
