I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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