I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
