it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is my gift to your gina
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
