The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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