He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
