I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
